Istill remember it…I was just a teenager and for the first time I overheard a girl I liked talking with her girlfriends about some other guy she thought was “soooo hot”. My heart sank into my chest. The guy she was swooning over was athletic with a nice chiseled face few girls would find unfavorable. I felt inferior to him in every way physically and recoiled from pursuing her any more with any kind of confidence that I could be as desirable to her as him.
Sounds pretty pathetic, right? Sad but true! Thankfully, I’ve learned much since those days and now things are quite different for me.
For many years I dealt with some personal insecurities this teenage experience reinforced that I believe are common to many men. I grew up falsely believing that a guy’s physical attractiveness is the main reason a girl will take interest…that essentially girls like guys for the same reasons guys like girls. After all, it makes logical sense for us men, because that’s how we work. When we men see an attractive female, her physical beauty alone can overtake us and captivate our interest…for quite a while at least (long enough to spend way too much money!). Women, however, are much different.
Let’s Get Primal
I once surveyed a small group of women about what they look for in a guy. Here’s the catch though, I didn’t survey them individually. Rather, I handed them just one survey copy and had the entire group of about 15 women come to a unanimous decision on their answers. What I had them do is order a list of attributes they want in a guy in order of importance to them. On the list were attributes such as great personality, sense of humor, physical attractiveness, money, ambition, height, and weight.
It took them all of 5 minutes to come to an agreement and hand me back the survey. At the very top of the list were the attributes that indicated more inner qualities such as personality, ambition, and sense of humor. The more superficial traits had been unanimously voted down to the very bottom of the list.
Men need to understand that women are biologically programmed to find attractive the qualities in a man that indicate to her that pairing with him will allow her to fulfill her basic biological role of procreation with the least amount of discomfort and risk to her or her offspring. These impulses in her operate most often on an unconscious level. Physical attractiveness is not nearly as strong an indicator for her as other inner deeper qualities, especially in the context of modern culture where a man’s mind is much more capable a provider than his body alone.
Unfortunately, many guys let superficial things like height, weight, penis size, or hair loss destroy their confidence with women. The grand irony of these insecurities is that it’s not the visible superficial perceived “disadvantage” that’s thwarting their success with women, but rather the very fact that they are insecure about them in the first place. How’s that for a paradox!
If you’re a man who’s having an “ah ha” moment right now…congratulations you just took the red pill.
Women are biologically fine-tuned to “smell” weakness in a man, and insecurity is a sure sign that you are not able to be the man she needs. A woman’s survival and the survival of her offspring (particularly in past times without modern conveniences or women’s rights) may depend entirely on the man she chooses to mate with. Ever wonder why women tend to be the choosers in the relationship? Put that reality in the context of her primal biology and it suddenly makes perfect sense!
The Takeaway Advice for Men
Going back to my teenage experience again…can you see how obvious my mistake was? My problem was not how I looked, but how I felt about myself! The girl I liked wasn’t swooning over him for his David Beckham physique alone, but rather the confidence this guy carried himself with. Yes, physical confidence offers some natural advantages, but they are easily overcome by your own deeper inner advantages. I challenge any man to ask any quality mature woman if this is true. She will most certainly affirm the statements validity. Any guy who relies solely on his looks to attract real women will have a famine of love in his life. Had I the confidence I’ve since awakened in myself back as a teenager, then I could have just as well been the guy my crush was swooning over.