Over the past couple of months, many of my past romantic relationships have reached out to me. Even an ex husband whom is the father of my daughter and I have not seen in 13 years. As a result, I have been deeply reflecting on this aspect of my life and wanted to share with you….
It is not a secret that I have experienced challenges in my life when it comes to romantic relationships. I have been married, divorced, have had live in boyfriends, been engaged, have had flings, long term relationships, and have chosen to be single as well. Over time, I definitely built walls and barriers, I definitely built beliefs about men, I definitely shut them out, and judged them as a way of protecting myself.
At the same time, I have had many expectations of them. I have wanted to control them. I have been entangled, attached, needy, clingy, jealous, and insecure. I have had tantrums and have been manipulative, critical, abusive and dishonest.
My big “AHA” was that it was never the man, but all along it was me. Here is where I stand now when I am asked about my love life…
I care very little about the label of the men in my life such as: boyfriend, lover, fiance, husband, partner, and so forth. What I am more focused on is how I show up for the men in my life whether it is my father, my son, my brothers, my friends, and so forth independent of the label.
Am I truly seeing them as they are without my filters? Am I treating them with integrity and love? Am I honoring their goodness and power?
What I value most is how I am being. It’s about cleaning up my cobwebs so that I can be an expression of love and gratitude. It is my intention to loving, trusting, and honorable with all men in my life. It is my intention to show up as a fully present woman, with an open vulnerable and transparent heart, with open eyes, and a passion for life itself.
Have thoughts on this? I’d love to hear your feedback…leave me a comment below!
Photo credit: Charles Henry